Giving up and Giving in
by imperfectly-perfected
Summary: I think of Elena, my love for her, and just for these few seconds, I let it consume me completely. I let everything I've been holding back right to the surface, every small, insignificant moment, every smile, every laugh, every moment ever spent with her overtake me- because I know this will be the last time I get the chance.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:I think of Elena, my love for her, and just for these few seconds, I let it consume me completely. I let everything I've been holding back right to the surface, every small, insignificant moment, every smile, every laugh, every second ever spent with her overtook me- because I know this will be the last time I get the chance.**

**Disclaimer:Not my characters... :(, only the plot is mine, and I think you've read enough of these to know the rest.**

**This story WOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE without my amazing beta PazOrtiz , she has done so much to help me with this, epically when I won't stop annoying her with my question's (sorry Maria! :D). So check out her stories, you can find them on my fav's or go straight there by just clicking on that name! So here's to getting through the summer without TVD, enjoy :).**

* * *

I don't know what to do any more. the emotions she had told me were always worth fighting for had been thrown back in my face, all these `be the better man, Damon`, they're all pointless. Because it was just an act. Does she even care? No, of course not, if she cared in the slightest she would be here right now trying to apologise, she should be trying to fix the thing she broke with her cold words.

After everything I thought I had at least earned the right to love her, in the the midst of looking for Stefan I thought we'd had fun, at times, but clearly not, because my love for her is a fucking problem.

I threw my glass in the fire. This is getting so difficult lately.

She'll have to stop shitting me now with the 'we'll always survive' thing. Now she has her precious Stefan back. God forbid him doing anything wrong.

But Goddamitt it hurts. _I_ hurt_ to much_. it feels like the dark light that was left in my heart is being slowly pulled from my chest. I just want to turn it off. But then God starts laughing in my face because he knows can't. Oh no, being the sick machosist I am I just won't.

No matter what it's Stefan, it will always be Stefan, and hey, maybe it's my own fault, maybe I should have actually _listened_ when she told me. Maybe I actually deserve this.

After everything I've done, everyone I've killed, I probably do deserve this. What did I think, I would get someone like Elena? Sure, she's no angel, but she definitely deserves better than me.

I sit down on the sofa, and close my eyes, after I feel the first tear fall down my cheek, and the worst part is, how can I stay mad, knowing I should be punished like this. Do I even have any right to be mad? No.

My world is crumbling around me and no-one will be able to fix me. Not any more. what's even the point? I bite my lip and look down at my ring. I swallow hard and twisting it round on my finger.

"Damon?" Christ the fucking reedemer. Of course I couldn't just be left be, to wallow in self pity.

In seconds I can smell her, vanilla and something that's just purely Elena.

But I'm not opening my eyes, because what's the point? There's none, never will be. When Katherine wasn't in the tomb I recovered, when she told me she never loved me, even when she said it was always _Stefan_, my _brother-_ I had bounced back. And I know why. Because the love we had wasn't true, she had never even loved me, I was just a petty human begging to be accepted, I was merely starting to live.

Oh, but Elena. Sweet Elena who has ripped my heart slowly out my chest, thrown it to the ground and stamped on it till there's nothing left , just broken pieces that no one will be able to fix. And this is the woman I truly love, the one, even now, that I would give my life for without even thinking. And to her this is just and inconvenience, a problem she had said. So why is she even here? What else could she possibly do?

I won't let it show. Not on the outside. I never do anyway-because no one _really _cares.

she's closer now. So close I can feel her warmth, I'm say a meter away, probably standing there unevenly, biting her lip in that way that makes me want to do exactly that to her, trying to think of a way to begin the conversation. so why don't I make it easy for her.

I opened my eyes and stood up, avoiding her piercing gaze. Elena jumped to steps back, the backs of her knees pressing into the centre table. "Look Elena", my own voice surprised me, instead of the disinterested tone that was meant to out out my mouth, my voice was rough and croaked a little from where I had been crying,_ like a pathetic little baby_, the voice in my brain added in.

"Let me make this easy for you", I said with a smirk that was literately painful to force onto my mouth "Stefan's back, and I get it, you don't need to come here to...well, I don't know, _apologize_." I said it in a teasing way, as if it were a stupid thing to do, _when really all you want to do is hear her apology, accept it no matter how true it sounds, and go back to living a lie aside a bitch called hope._

_At least that would be less painful, _the stupid voice in my head spoke again, because it knew that to do this is tearing me apart even more inside, that it's taking that _last __ounce _of will I have to go on.

"I understand" _bullshit, bullshit, bullshit_. No, I don't understand why after everything she would do this to me, I don't understand why she would go behind my back with _Stefan_, of all people, Caroline, Bonnie, hell, even Matt fucking Donovan. But Stefan? she knew what it would do to me, yet she still did it. She Knew that even in the worst situations I would never 'break her neck' if everything was reversed. But, she also knew what saying what she said would do to me, yet she _still did it_. So, no, no I don't fucking understand.

"no. _No, _Damon" her penetrating stare bore straight into me, I can't look, I can't look into the deeps of those magnificent brown eyes because in the state I'm in, if I do, I know I won't be able to help forgiving her for everything. I will not let that happen, not this time. Never again.

I sighed in exasperation, pretending to be bored. I can't take this, the option to just forget everything was seeming more and more appealing by each breath she took. All I know is I need to get out of here. _Now._

I shock my head and started walking away "goodnight Elena" I spoke, inwardly wincing at the tired, broken tone seeping through my barriers.

"Damon!" _walk, walk, walk, _"Damon!" _Faster, almost there_ "Damon, I'm so-" _Slam!_

I shut my door and covered my ears in just enough time to escape her voice.

Covering my face with my hands I lent against my door, slowly sliding down it in defeat. That's it. No more. I refuse to do this, it's not my job any more, Stefan's back - the problem is resolved.

I think of Elena, my love for her, and just for these few seconds, I let it consume me completely. I let everything I've been holding back right to the surface, every small, insignificant moment, every smile, every laugh, every moment ever spent with her overtake me- because I know this will be the last time I get the chance.

Then, ready to finish everything, I turn it off.

* * *

**If you like it I will continue, and I can't read minds, so press that review button, leave me your opinion and I'll be sure to PM you :) :) :).xx**


	2. Chapter 2

Light shines through the window, I forgot to close the curtains last night and instantly regret it. I don't want to start the day yet, light outside means the stars are gone and the sun is up- the start of a new day, the start of a new day where Damon hates me, Stefan won't be with me and my life is even more of a mess because I've pushed away the only person that was always by my side with no judgement.

I turn my head and look at the clock, it reads 6:24 am. Way to early, but I know there's no chance I'll be able to get back to sleep with this guilt consuming me.  
With I sigh I get out of bed and look in the mirror, I'm still in the clothes I wore to visit Damon last night. I couldn't bring myself to even write In my diary when I got back, every time I closed my eyes all I could see was Damon's blue orbs starring at me, with hurt and disappointment, but most of all betrayal. It was about 3 am when I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and I was forced to sleep.

I know I have to get my mind off Damon, I have more important things to think of like the binding spell. I pull my phone out my back pocket and scroll down till I get to Stefan, pressing the call button I hold the phone to my ear, on the third ring he picks up. "Elena, hi", Stefan seems shocked.

"Hey Stefan, Is it alright if I come over? I have some news to tell you on Esther" I ask, even if I don't really want to see Damon right now, I still have to deal with telling them about the binding spell.

"Oh, why don't you just tell me over the phone, it'll be easier, for me to be honest" Stefan says in a strange tone, this got me suspicious.

"I really think this is to important to be said over the phone Stefan- I need to talk to you _and_ Damon" I press- did he not realise the importance of this?!

"This is really not a good time Elena" Stefan's patience was clearly running thin.

"Look Stefan, I don't have time for this, I'll be there in twenty" I hang up the phone, cutting off Stefan's protests.

I rush to get ready and run to my car, with six minutes left to get to the boarding house. I Decided to call Damon to give him a fair warning I was coming over I pulled out my phone and pressed speed-dial 1 - and yes, the irony was not lost on me.

On the seventh ring it went to voicemail and I was just about to hang up when I heard it had been changed, I put it to my ear and listened, curious. "I obviously do not want to answer this call- so please, take the hint- Unless of course you're good-looking and female...in that case, please by all means leave a message..." the cocky voice trailed off, I could here faint giggles in the back ground, then Damon's name was called and I heard the click go off. I hung up quickly, and dropped my phone on my lap, putting my hand to my mouth. I felt tears burning behind my eyes which I refused to let fall. What right do I have to feel this way? If this is how Damon wants to be then that's his choice, not mine.

Three minutes later I saw the boarding house in the distance and checked my reflection in the wing-mirror, my reflection gave away nothing- that's what bothered me most, no-one knew, no-one really knew would I had been through, I'm just the sad girl who lost her parents and her aunt.

I took a deep breath to prepare my self as I stood by the boarding house door. I know what to expect, Damon's going to be back to his old ways, fucking and feeding. I inwardly shudder as the reality off the situation hit me- along with jealously. You brought this on yourself, you deserve to suffer the consequences, I remind myself for the one-hundredth time.

I lift up my hand to go and knock on the door, finding it's already open. Frowning I push it open all the way, stepping into the hallway, then I hear a voice - Damon's voice. "Bye ladies, mhhmm, I may just have to tap that again Tiffany." I felt tears in my eyes, he's seeing people again! _multiple_ people!

I consider making a run for it, but I know it's to late when I here footsteps approaching the door, I quickly look in the mirror, checking my eyes to make sure there's no sign of tears. Then the girls come into view, there are three of them, each wearing scarf's and jackets, not only covering up bite marks but covering up the slutty outfits each of them are wearing.

He doesn't even have the decency to walk them to the door! I felt vile rise up at the thought and swallowed hard, each of them walked past my giggling and it took all I had not to slap the bitches for looking at me that way. I let out an audible sigh, then realise I'm screwed, Damon definitely heard that if didn't already notice me.

"Elena?!" I heard a voice call out ,"are you feet broken or do you just feel like standing in the hallway today?"

I scowled and marched in there, not meeting Damon eyes, and epically not looking at his body - which should be getting covered by a shirt right about now - as I walked past him, knocking my shoulder in to his with enough force to make him spill some of the whisky currently in his hand.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I, however, didn't get much sleep last night", He said, smirking right at me.

"Take a shower, you stink", okay, that was a lie, but I could still smell alcohol on him, so at least in was a passable lie. I just had to let some steam of and I certainly wasn't about to make myself sound like a jealous girlfriend. Which I am not. At all.

"Nice one Elena, I might just have to tell mummy on you with that insult" Damon said while slightly laughing, his eyes -amongst doing other things to me- mocking me.

"Esther completed a spell to bind the originals together, you kill one, you kill them all" I explained quickly, I have to get out of here, I can't take this much longer. (play breathe by Ryan Star please?) "Goodbye Damon." I have to get out of here, I feel tears gathering in my eyes, blurring my vision. I tried, I tried not to feel this way but it's to late. Damon's not mine, I shouldn't feel this way but it hurts so bad, because I want him to be, I should have realised sooner.

I close the door and get in my car, trying not to break down. I drive for about one mile till I can't take it any more, I slam down on the breaks and seeing I'm surrounded by forest I start to cry. Because my life is so screwed up, because I'm can't have living family, because I everyone I go near either end up hurt or dead, but most of all, because the man I love most who has stood by my side through everything had decided even he couldn't do it any more. He's gone, the Damon I know and love is gone and it's my own fault.

I slam my hands against the steering wheel and scream, knowing no-one will be able to hear me in the middle of the woods. I can't do it any more, I have no strength left in me, I have no-one. I start mumbling Damon's name over and over like it will make it better "I'm so sorry, I love you, I'm so sorry" I keep repeating over and over. This was it, I am finally broken.

* * *

I hear her scream from a mile away, and all previous emotions vanish, all I know is that I have to get to her. I sped through the wood and stop when I see her car. Then I realise what's going on, she's not being hurt, she's breaking down. I know I can no longer do this, it's no use trying to make myself hate her because I never will. All I know is that we've suffered enough, and it's time to end it.

* * *

**I really hope you liked the chapter! Unfortunately I didn't have a Beta for this one (excuse any mistakes), as she is really busy and I'm so sorry it took longer than usual! Please check out my other story, here's the summary :**

**AH/AU "Hello ladies" His husky voice was enough to send everyone in the room screaming. Rock stars can get everything they want, anyone they want. At least, that's what Damon Salvatore thinks till he meets Elena Gilbert.**

**New chapter for Don't Cry ^^^^ will be up today or tomorrow, I've sent it to my beta and she works fast so please look at that xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**This was so heard to write and I have no idea why, but the chapter is finally here and it is the last one. So I hope you enjoy it**

* * *

I sighed as I leant back against a tree and realised my decision was already made, what was the point in even trying to stay away from her?

"Hey, hey", I murmured and pulled Elena into my arms.

"I'm sorry Damon, I'm so sorry", she sobbed into my chest.

I closed my eyes and buried my head into her shoulder whispering, "I know. It's okay, I've got you."

She pulled back quickly, "I didn't mean it, you've been here for me through everything, you love isn't a problem."

"Why did you say it?" I asked helplessly, because I was a martyr who couldn't just live in peace with the fact she regrets it, I needed to know why.

"Everything in my life was just spiralling out of control, I needed something, something that I could deal with, something I could control. I saw the chance with Esther and I was just so desperate for it all to be over and I wanted to take it. You kept trying to stop me, I know you were trying to protect me but I couldn't see that. I just needed to be normal, I couldn't bear it any more and I didn't care what it took. When you said you wanted to stop me because you love me all I was thinking was that if you didn't, I would have had no problem with Esther."

"So it was a problem?"

"No, no, that's not what I meant! If it wasn't for your love I would be dead Damon and you have no idea what everything you've done means to me, and you did it because you love me." She smiled at me with hope that it would be enough.

"So what now...we just forget?" I questioned, unsure.

"No...there is one more thing."

"What?"

"I love you too."

I couldn't see but I was pretty sure my face lit up with hope, which I quickly pushed away, because there's one more thing I had to say, "Don't say that to make me feel better Elena, you have to say it because you mean it...and if you mean it, you know I will never let you go."

"Good." And then she was in my arms and we were heading back to the boarding house at the fastest speed I've ever gone.

"I love you Elena, I love you so much you have no idea" I growls pressing Elena against his bedroom door, trailing kisses down her neck.

Elena gasped, grabbed onto my hair and pulled me back up till my eyes meet hers, "I love you too, now for good sake shut up."

"Honey you're going to be the only one struggling to shut up soon. I'm going to make you scream." I smirked, pulled her against me and did exactly that. All night long.

* * *

I fought to cling on to my dreamlike state which was drifting away rapidly as I felt myself being pulled back into the world of the concious with a soft kiss being placed upon my lips.

My eyes snapped open to be met with the chocolate brown ones I knew oh too well. All I could do was stare up at her as I realised the dream I had been clinging on to hadn't been a dream at all, each touch, kiss, every second spent trying to cling onto sanity last night as we brought each other to the most pleasurable highs ever experienced, had been real.

"Hi", she whispered, smiling down at me, before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss to my lip. I closed my eyes once more, relishing in this knew found feeling of peace.

I flipped us over, now looking down at her. In my shirt. "Good morning Elena" I smirked, my hand on her cheek. And what a good morning it is, light shining through, highlighting every beautiful aspect of Elena's face, and I knew I sound like a lovesick fool but I didn't care. Because I finally got to say good morning instead of goodnight, hello instead of goodbye.

"You look happy" she giggled, making it impossible for me not to lean down and kiss those adorable lips once more, just because I can.

"I am happy" I smiled, a real smile that I know hasn't been on my face for way to long, but there's no way I can hold it in. Because for once I'm good enough, not just for sex, or for Stefan back-up. For _Elena._

"You're really beautiful when you smile", Elena whispered to me, starting to stroke my check. I leant into her touch, placing my hand on top of hers.

"No more talking now princess" I murmured, just letting the nick-name slip naturally out my mouth.

"Oh? So what do you want to to then?" She asked, a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

"I think you've got a pretty good idea" I smirked, my lips meeting hers once more. And then I felt everything at once, my body burning from the inside out, a hunger I've only ever felt with Elena, tearing away at me as our kisses grew more desperate.

I know then that there's no way I can survive without her, not now that she's mine. A life without Elena, a life without this, even after I've only had the smallest taste of it, would be a life to hard to live.

A ringing phone snapped us out of it, or at least her, I however could not care less.

"Damon it's Caroline", she reasoned, as if it would mean something to me.

"So?" I chuckled, moving down to place kisses upon her neck.

"I have to answer it, keep quite, I don't want her to know I'm with you." She sighed an pushed me off. And in that moment I felt my heart break, because every action of last night meant nothing, those words she told me were just that, words... and I was still second choice. God she didn't even want to be seen with me!

I slide my mask back into place, getting up off the bed and pulling my jeans back on. Elena seemed to finally notice my expression because she told Caroline she had to go and hung up the phone.

"Damon what's wrong?" She moved over to me and placed her hand on my cheek.

"What's wrong? Elena you don't want to be seen with me, you don't want Caroline to know we're together. What were you expecting? To carry on with Stefan while I'm just some dirty little se-"

Elena cut me off with a kiss, and for a moment I was to stunned to react, "What was that?"

"Damon, I love you. I choose you and you have nothing to worry about. I do want everyone to know we're together. So I can do this", she laced her fingers through mine and smiled at me, of course, I smiled back like an idiot, "And this", She leant up to kiss me softly, "whenever I want, wherever I want."

"Then why...?" I trailed off, knowing she'd understand.

"Because I didn't want her to find out that way."

"Oh", I breathe a huge -metaphorical- sigh of relief, why didn't I trust her? "I'm sorry."

"That's okay, I know it could take some getting used to. Lucky we have forever..."

"Ready to tell everyone?"

"Bonnie might just kill me", I laughed.

"Good thing I'm here to protect you then, isn't it?" Elena rolled her eyes playfully.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

**I hope you liked it because I'm really quite nervous about this one. The ending may seem a little 'urg', but I read that first chapter again and it just seemed so fitting. You may notice a bit of this chapter (the morning after) was already on my tumblr. I actually wrote it before the episode came out, so the 'I am happy' bit I was very proud of. Still please review, have a awesome Christmas and I will talk to you all soon xx **


End file.
